Understanding; Your Introverted Daughter – Parenting Tips
Reading people is tough. As long as you're not psychic, it's not easy to know what someone else is thinking, planning or reasons why the person has reacted in a certain way. Understanding the type of person your subject is, makes it easy for you to read them.Here in BestrevX, today we have a guest writer explaining the facts and guides to handle your introvert daughter.
Extroverts are energetic and pretty much open books. Understanding an extrovert is not as hard. This is because extroverts speak their mind and their plans probably all the time and may do it to just about anyone. The best way to read learn someone is by listening to what they are saying. An extrovert is chatty, therefore in five minutes of meeting them, you'll have an idea or two about their character and likes.
Introverts, however, are a hard nut to crack and sometimes you may end up not cracking at all. In the society today, introverts are highly judged and misunderstood. This gets worse when it narrows down to a family setting.
It's a fact that introverts are rare. In a family of five, you may have one or no introvert. Being an extroverted parent becomes more challenging to understand your introverted baby. This is because you and your child are literally polar ends. You may like the same thing but for different reasons. You may want to make a point but it'll be done in different ways.
Here are a few tips on how the introvert mind works and how to avoid collision with your introverted daughter.
First and foremost, being your daughter doesn't mean you obviously know her inside-out. You cannot understand her if you don't know her. Introverts are not obvious so don't think that she obviously did this because of that. No. Her mind doesn't work like yours. If you haven't strained enough to get a headache just to know her, then you don't know her.
Introverts are like a world's wonder. They are unique, they are weird - honestly - and that is their beauty. So stop assuming you know her and start getting to know her. Introverts have their silence as their greatest weapon. They love the silence and solitude is their peace. That is what 'fun' is to them. Trying to get in their personal space will bother them and make them retreat.
Here is one something you should never say to your introverted daughter.
"Why are you ever silent? "
No one knows your plans or likes. Can you just speak up and say what's on your mind". Wrong move. If you thought what you were getting is silence, wait and see what comes days after that statement.
It's not a lie that understanding an introvert deserves an award. Most things in life are taken lightly, don't let this be one of them. Introverts talk less and also act less. As a parent, you will need to take note of every word that comes out of your daughter's mouth or any action she'll do when you're present. These will give you clues on what your daughter likes and what she doesn't. This may be hectic for you as an extrovert since you prefer things straight to the point.
You can also be direct with her but carefully and wisely. Instead of asking her to tell you what she likes, try picking one thing and ask her if she likes it. That way you get to teach her easily without making her feel odd. Don't be judgmental.
When she locks herself in her room the whole day, don't go banging the door. Don't tell her she is boring or force her to make friends. Make her feel like it's okay. You can carefully offer to take her out but if she says no, don't insist. Ask her another day and you'll soon get a 'yes' to your invitation. There are 4 kinds of introversion that scientific discovered so far.
When you take her out, take her to a quiet place that is just cool and not so open. Avoid crowds and loud places with music. That will drain her. The main aim here is to spend time with her and have her enjoy. introverts are not always silent. When they are in a good environment and are engaged in a chat – with someone close - they will open up and reveal themselves. This may be for a few minutes or an hour before they withdraw, but it's worth it.
To get her to talk, you can also try telling her something personal about yourself. This will help her see that you trust her with a secret so higher chances are - but not guaranteed - that she will also share something with you to return the favor. You can also start a story on something you noticed she enjoyed. Whether food, a movie, an episode in her life and others. This will get her talking and laughing and soon telling you more, if you're lucky.
If you take her to a loud environment, your stories will be noise to her ears. When she makes a mistake, don't shout and don't talk like you know why she did what she did. Well, unless you want to be her least favorite person. This doesn't mean you stop being a parent, either. Yes, let her know what she did was wrong. But first, find out if she knows what she did was wrong. Also, find out why she did it, maybe her reasons will be worth forgiving the mistake.
An introvert's greatest enemy is he who thinks they know them when they really don't. This makes the introvert feel like an outsider. Punish her if she does wrong but first understand why she did it. This is how you should treat any child, anyway.
Most kids growing up may not understand themselves. This can make them feel like they are odd or have a defect. So as a parent, it's your duty to help your child know who she is. Let your child know s/he's an introvert, s/he is different and it's okay. This will help him/her understand him/herself and also appreciate his/her uniqueness.
Being an introvert isn't a defect. Most of the world's geniuses, like Einstein, are introverts so watch out, for that child you misunderstand, may just be the next Bill Gates.